ASK B
Every week, B answers complicated dilemmas.
No problem is too awkward, too ordinary or too difficult to put into words. If you are dealing with a relationship crisis, family heartbreak, anxiety about a decision or something you can't discuss elsewhere, you can write to B anonymously.
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The Dear B column
DB-1847
September 19, 2026
My family expects me to solve everything.
Dear B, My family constantly calls me for help with everything from organising appointments to borrowing money and dealing with relationships. It’s a never-ending cycle of crises. Sometimes I refuse, but it creates resentment. It’s always one-sided and stressful when my phone rings or a message comes because it’s always a want or need. I want it to stop. I never ask for anything because the favours are never returned and they never follow up. Nothing happens unless I arrange it myself. How can I say no without everyone hating me?
It sounds like your family has massive expectations, because you solve each immediate problem, nobody needs to develop their own arrangements. Your stress is understandable, and will continue until your availability changes. You must separate genuine emergencies from responsibilities that belong to others. Welcome the next request as a test of your new boundary, if it’s not a genuine emergency, casually say you can’t help this time. Don’t over explain why, but give your opinion of what they should do. It’s important not to outline everything you’ve already done for them, that would only turn your boundary into an argument. Your family may object since their current arrangement is ideal, their objection doesn’t mean that your boundary is unreasonable. Remember, urgent help is very different from assuming that you are a bank, or a nanny. You’re not choosing between solving and abandoning, merely deciding which responsibilities are genuinely yours. You may be surprised how resilient your family will become.
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DB-1846
September 18, 2026
Why can’t I get the recognition I deserve?
Dear B, I applied for a management position, but last week the promotion was given to a colleague who has been here less than a year, he is better at self-promotion but his achievements are largely based on the work that I am doing. He never covered for colleagues or stayed late to fix errors made by managers like I do. How can I get noticed without turning toxic towards the new colleague? My manager said, I am critical to the daily operation where I am, but I now feel trapped by my own competence and I’m thinking of leaving. M.
Dear M, This is very common, you work so seamlessly that your work is invisible, and your managers job is easier while you’re hiding flaws in the business operation. Change your strategy to manage how the outcome of your work is seen. Log the coverage when correcting manager errors or absorbing a colleague's workload, send a weekly report of completed metrics, and let the cracks show now and then so that the difference is self evident. Ask about the timeline for training your replacement, since you would like to move to a leadership track. Point out how you could avert issues better from further up the line. If the response is that you’re still "too valuable,” in your current position, they’re spelling out that your growth is capped. Take your immense competence and update your CV, the market always values a fixer; don't discount your worth.
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DB-1845
September 16, 2026
He wants to come back, but nothing has really changed.
Dear B, My partner ended our relationship six months ago because he wasn’t ready for anything serious. It turned my life upside down, but I stopped contacting him after a month, and have finally accepted that it’s over. He messaged last week, asking about my life now and saying how much he misses me. I didn’t answer, he messaged again asking to meet up. When I asked what he wants, he said we should just meet and see what happens. My friends think he must care or he wouldn’t bother. I still think about him, but I have a different life now and feel like it’s all about him again. Should I see him?
What has changed is the amount of contact. He may miss you, but still be unwilling to offer the relationship that you originally wanted. Those two things can exist together, his return could place you back in an uncertain life space. If you feel that you would like to meet, take charge of the situation this time. Tell him that you need to know what he is proposing now, that he could not offer you six months ago. If his answer is still a vague “let’s see what happens,” he is asking for renewed access to you while keeping his options very open. His behaviour suggests that he does care, and the meeting will give him what he misses, but you need to decide whether the relationship on offer will be enough. Set clear terms before you go for round two, this may be what he is subconsciously asking you to do.
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